In which College Ninja returns.
On my way home from my reconaissance mission--ahem, volunteering trip--in Tanzania, the last flight of my 24 hour journey was cancelled (diplomatic immunity just isn't what it used to be). I hadn't slept in 20 hours. My cellphone wasn't working. And I had just left, maybe forever, a place I loved and people I cared for.
I have never felt more lost. Standing in the middle of the bustling crowd, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I just kept wishing by some miracle one of the friends I'd just left would come to my rescue, kept wishing somebody, anybody would come and save me. And then I realized. No one was coming. It was just me. In an airport hundreds of miles from home. And I was going to have to find my way, all by myself.
Remembering that moment makes me think of a scene in Harry Potter. You know the one: Harry travels back in time and witnesses a scene from earlier that evening when he thought he saw his father cast the Patronus charm that saved his life. And so Harry's waiting and waiting for his father to appear as he watches the dementors converge on the body of Harry-from-a-few-hours-ago. And then it hits him. He didn't see his dad. He saw himself.
My best friend from home, Soul Sista Ninja, loves this scene. I never understood her fascination with it until that day in the airport. It was just like she always said, "You're waiting and waiting for someone to save you. And then, you save yourself."
On my way home from my reconaissance mission--ahem, volunteering trip--in Tanzania, the last flight of my 24 hour journey was cancelled (diplomatic immunity just isn't what it used to be). I hadn't slept in 20 hours. My cellphone wasn't working. And I had just left, maybe forever, a place I loved and people I cared for.
I have never felt more lost. Standing in the middle of the bustling crowd, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I just kept wishing by some miracle one of the friends I'd just left would come to my rescue, kept wishing somebody, anybody would come and save me. And then I realized. No one was coming. It was just me. In an airport hundreds of miles from home. And I was going to have to find my way, all by myself.
Remembering that moment makes me think of a scene in Harry Potter. You know the one: Harry travels back in time and witnesses a scene from earlier that evening when he thought he saw his father cast the Patronus charm that saved his life. And so Harry's waiting and waiting for his father to appear as he watches the dementors converge on the body of Harry-from-a-few-hours-ago. And then it hits him. He didn't see his dad. He saw himself.
My best friend from home, Soul Sista Ninja, loves this scene. I never understood her fascination with it until that day in the airport. It was just like she always said, "You're waiting and waiting for someone to save you. And then, you save yourself."
To all my ninjas just starting out, college is kind of like that.
I'll let that sink in for a moment and take you to another scene.
I was sitting on a familiar porch drinking tea and eating Madeleine cookies when I heard something I really needed to hear. I was venting to a wonderful woman, a woman who's been a second mom to me and who will henceforth be known as Mrs. Mochizuki. As we were talking, I knew we had gotten to an important part because this music started playing. If you listen to it now while you read the next part, you'll get the full effect.
"I don't know, Mrs. Mochizuki," I said, "Sometimes I just want to fall apart and have someone else pick up the pieces."
"Everybody wants that," said Mrs. Mochizuki with a grin. "But you know what? That's not the way it works. Nobody can fix you. People can walk beside you on your journey, but you should never expect anyone to come along and carry you. You have to carry yourself."
I swear that's exactly how it happened. Also, how awesome is Mrs. Mochizuki's code name? I digress.
The point is: college means growing up. And part of growing up is realizing how often find we find ourselves alone. You have to be your own best friend, your own advocate and protector. In those moments when you can't breathe and you feel helpless and you want nothing more than to be rescued by the love of your life or Gandalf the Grey, you realize it's just you. And then you save yourself.
Don't get me wrong---there are going to be amazing and important people who help you and change you along the way. People who walk beside you. But ultimately you're the one who chooses: will I be happy? Or not?
The moment I started finding happiness in college and in my life in general, was the moment I took responsibility for the choice I had.
P.S. I haven't forgotten that I owe you two care packages for exam week. You will get them next exam week. Just as soon as I remember what I was going to write . . .
I'll let that sink in for a moment and take you to another scene.
I was sitting on a familiar porch drinking tea and eating Madeleine cookies when I heard something I really needed to hear. I was venting to a wonderful woman, a woman who's been a second mom to me and who will henceforth be known as Mrs. Mochizuki. As we were talking, I knew we had gotten to an important part because this music started playing. If you listen to it now while you read the next part, you'll get the full effect.
"I don't know, Mrs. Mochizuki," I said, "Sometimes I just want to fall apart and have someone else pick up the pieces."
"Everybody wants that," said Mrs. Mochizuki with a grin. "But you know what? That's not the way it works. Nobody can fix you. People can walk beside you on your journey, but you should never expect anyone to come along and carry you. You have to carry yourself."
I swear that's exactly how it happened. Also, how awesome is Mrs. Mochizuki's code name? I digress.
The point is: college means growing up. And part of growing up is realizing how often find we find ourselves alone. You have to be your own best friend, your own advocate and protector. In those moments when you can't breathe and you feel helpless and you want nothing more than to be rescued by the love of your life or Gandalf the Grey, you realize it's just you. And then you save yourself.
Don't get me wrong---there are going to be amazing and important people who help you and change you along the way. People who walk beside you. But ultimately you're the one who chooses: will I be happy? Or not?
The moment I started finding happiness in college and in my life in general, was the moment I took responsibility for the choice I had.
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| Mochizuki Chiyome, famed leader of an elite group of female ninjas. |
This has sort of been my go-to post for times when I feel like the world is grey. Keep on writing, ninja.
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